Watching The Vols & Missouri Tigers and the Tennessee Drinking Game

CatTeq

For those unfamiliar with the Tennessee Drinking Game: here you go.

So we’re roughly eight minutes into the first half and I just asked Reed for permission as to whether this was a good idea. Which is how you know it’s a good idea. I love Reed. He’s an amazing boss. But I had this idea about five minutes into the game as I did a shot off yet another missed three and thought “Let’s Roll.”

I apologize in advance for my spelling, grammar and general lack of writing ability. In case you were wondering I’m using Vodka. Yes. Just Vodka. No there isn’t a brand, though I’m sure it could alter as nail polish. I’m like Hemingway or Fitzgerald, but without the talent.

Onward.

So it’s 24 to 13 and I’m not even close to giving up yet. Which is good because I have booze and this is a mission and Reed hasn’t said yes yet…and BANG great 3 by Richardson and now this game looks more approachable.

Another great sequence as Tennessee rebounds and hits a shot. Then they do it again. Now all of a sudden it’s 20-26 and before I can jump up and cheer it’s 20-28. Damn it.

As we go to the under 8 minute time out, the Vols look quite good with a two shot foul down 22-28 and this actually feels like a game, unlike the first 5 minutes when I was planning writing this article with my blood type being Georgi. Yes, it’s a real Vodka. Here you go.

Transition looks repugnant for both teams, and then Missouri converts off a rebound. 24-30 in a Vol must win.

McRae hits a ridiculous shot that makes this game 28-32, but then a dunk hits that establishes the opposite of how Tennessee should play, which is inside dominant out.

*Reed Has Sanctioned This Endeavor & We Are In Negotiations As To The Photo*

Full disclosure, I want it to be a cat in a sombrero with booze. Reed has no objection but is trying to conquer his own (wise, I add parenthetically) security measures that block me from uploading pictures. The fact that I can’t upload pictures is one of the many reasons Reed owns this site, wisely, and I write for it. I’d have funny meme’s that the site would get sued for over every column. This is despite the fact that I studied law. I’m a rebel.

Reed steps in and fixes the picture (which is a cat getting drunk, huzzah!) because I’m a blond, and we are ready to go!

We figure it out and while we do the Vols and Missouri make it a game. It’s halftime. Tennessee Looks GOOD.

By the way, I need to modify this drinking game as to suggestions as to what to do at half-time. I mean, after a few minutes of being glad there are no rules, you’re pretty done with not drinking and…there are no rules! I apologize. I’ll amend as we go along.

BTW, during the break, and I don’t know if y’all saw it but: There was this ad and fundamentally…what the Hell is Lawrence Fishburne doing reenacting The Matrix for money???? Oh…Right…My bad…

But the Vols are close in a must win.

HERE.WE.GO.

STOKES AND ONE!!!! Now all of a sudden the drinking games, which I’m feeling a bit, and the first half mean nothing. The Vols are in the lead and playing the way they need to, which is big fellas out.

The foul trouble is now becoming a headline, more so than my drinking game. Rosburg being out is a huge deal as Tennessee can now be more dominant inside, and as a result of which, my drink can remain unreplenished. Which is nice.

Just a question: Is there anyway 300 Rise Of An Empire can be as good as 300? I applaud the effort and releasing it in the early spring before Captain America’s new movie is fine but I don’t know…I digress.

Richardson missed a three and I’ve complied with the game and I’m sorry for what comes below…

So we see The Matix commercial again and we get an explanation of why Arizona v. Arizona State wasn’t decided on a random and ridiculous call…and here we go under 11.

When the really needed a three McRae missed, thus inspiring the game and before you could finish it there was a great defensive play on Tennessee’s end, which I’m sure Coach Martin yelled about and now we’re tied…

This game has become all about fouls…so the And-one with 9:20 left to  go which puts down Maymon is significant. Yet the free throw isn’t. Also, don’t do this without beer you really like or a mixer you enjoy. I’m seriously regretting this decision and I’m not even at the point of…oh DAMN IT MIZZOU HIT A THREE

After some stuttering, McRae his a HUGE Three which ties things up and then Coach Martin calls a time out. The wisdom of that I don’t understand, but in fairness, I’m thinking about pizza. And victory. And both are close

It’s 3:30 left to go and Tennessee is doing it’s best to hit huge shots and limit Missouri possessions. They’re down one on the road after some big shots and they’re on defense. They give up a layup.

They miss a shot on offense off a great pass an Missouri is about it put things away.

They do not.

But a trade of bad possessions put the ball back in their hands as at TV timeout commences.

Missouri hits a big shot and we’re under 2:00 to go. Then Tennessee misses a big shot and it’s 65-70 and lots of folks are blindingly drink around me. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Under a minute left and there is a valiant Tennessee effort…but it is futile.

Until under :30 left to go when Tennessee, down three makes a steal of a lifetime.

After a few missed shots to enrich the drinking game and enough litigation to pay the entire 2011 class of the University of Tennessee College of Law, we finally get down to it: Tennessee down three with the ball and 7.7 left.

Here.We.GO.

YOU’VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.

IT WAS KNOCKED AWAY AND STOLEN AND THE VOLS FOULED.

I DON’T HAVE ENOUGH…YOU DON’T HAVE ENOUGH…

Saddle up kids, we’re gonna need this game for the rest of the season.

In Closing:

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About The Author


TJ Hatter is a recovering lawyer and perpetual foreign policy wonk. He serves FootballTime.com as a columnist. He's a native New Yorker, honorary Southerner, and confirmed Anglophile. His work has been featured on Football.com, outkickthecoverage.com, dimemag.com, atlantic-community.org and TJHatter.com. He's an alumnus of The University of Tennessee College of Law, The University of Edinburgh, and SUNY Oswego. He looks forward to your ad hominem attacks on Twitter at @TJ22Hatter.